Victims and Non-Victims in Sexual Philandering. Spitzer is a victim too.

First, every person is responsible for her or his own happiness. It is impossible for anyone to be responsible for another person’s happiness. One person cannot know another well enough for this responsibility.┬áMany do not even know themselves well enough to make themselves happy!

Second, being responsible for one’s own happiness does not mean making another person unhappy. Most men would be very happy getting from their wives what Spitzer got from his prostitutes. Many wives would be unhappy being so engaged with their husbands. And their is the conundrum: Can both be happy? Until he was caught, were Spitzer and his wife both happy? Did discovery result in any positive outcomes? Is there anyway for them to both be happy without his activities?

Third, this is NOT to blame a philanderer’s spouse! That person is a victim but so is the philanderer. The complexity of each victim’s unique situations make righteousness wrong under all circumstances. Fast to judge politicians and media pundents are always wrong in these circumstances. Still, they prostitute themselves and it sells media; so they really don’t care.

Fourthly, the prostitutes participated in a business deals and were paid very handsomely. They knew what they were doing, did it voluntarily and were not coerced in any way. One has even benefited significantly both financially and professionally from Spitzer’s exposure. If she is a victim it is minimal if at all. Those calling her a victim just because she is a prostitute should call all those MBAs who sell themselves bodies AND souls (e.g., Enron executives) victims too.

Finally, flawlessness is an impossible ideal especially when power is involved. Power, sex and humor come from the dark side of the personality; so, they are difficult if not impossible to control. Republicans demand flawlessness of their leaders and when flaws are exposed, these leaders are pushed off their pedestals. Democrats are more pragmatic and forgiving. Unfortunately, the actions of a few railroad Spitzer into a hasty resignation. He might have weathered the storm but it was probably not worth it to him and his family.

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